It's always hard to know what to say in a sympathy card -- or in a conversation with the family and close friends of the person who has died. There are different challenges depending on how well you knew the departed. If you were very close, the experience of writing a note or making a condolence call may be terribly emotional for you as well as the recipient. On the other hand, if you didn't know the person well, you may feel that nothing you say will be adequate or meaningful. Yet if you ask anyone who has recently been bereaved, they're likely to say that any expression of sympathy means a great deal to them. The words that the bereaved hear and read in the difficult days and weeks following their loss will stay with them in some way for a long time to come. Knowing you are giving comfort and strength to the loved ones left behind should quell any concerns you may have about the exact wording of the message. Still, there are some simple guidelines that you may wish to follow.

If you don't know either the deceased or the bereaved person well -- for example, if the bereaved is a co-worker -- keep your message simple. In this case, it's not necessary to add an extra note to the printed sentiment in your card, though it's fine to do so if you want to. A brief statement such as "Thinking of you and wishing you comfort in your memories" or "My deepest sympathies are with you on your loss" is enough to let the bereaved know of your sincere good wishes.

If you know the bereaved person well but did not know their loved one who has died, try personalizing your note by saying something like "I know how much you loved your grandma, and from what you've said, she must have been a remarkable woman. I hope that knowing how special she was will be a comfort to you."

If you were close to the deceased but did not know his or her family, you may wish to mention how you knew their lost loved one when you write. Share a favourite anecdote or tell the story of how you met -- the family will appreciate knowing more about another aspect of their loved one's life.

Many families ask for contributions to a favourite charity of the person who has died. If you plan to make a donation or have already done so, you can mention this in your sympathy card.

If you have a spare copy of a favourite photo of the deceased, include it with your note. The family may not have seen the photo, and they will be grateful to have it.

Remember: As long as your message is from the heart, it will be appreciated -- whether it's a short sentence or a long reminiscence.